Our departure date from Jamaica is getting closer and the thought of leaving Jamaica is presenting me with a mix of emotions. Even the positive emotions I feel when I think about returning, like excitement to see my friends back in San Diego, is tinged with a sense of sadness. I’ve done this twice before; left a place that feels like it’s become home. When my time studying abroad in London ended, leaving was one of the hardest things to do. I felt an encroachment of sadness weeks before I even left. I knew I’d be okay in the end, but it didn’t necessarily feel like that. London had introduced me to people I came to call my best friends, a place I learned to love like home, and a sense of happiness I felt like I hadn’t experienced in years. Jamaica has a tinge of what it felt like to leave London.
I’m leaving Jamaica without any souvenirs but what I’ve gained here is far more valuable. The relationships I’ve made and the memories I’ve created won’t lose their significance with time. Even as some relationships inevitably dwindle, the strength they have now will always be entwined with my memories of my time here.
Leaving Jamaica means returning to San Diego which signifies a sort of ‘return to reality.’ I am leaving more than just Jamaica the country. I am leaving behind days spent on the Silver Sands beach, late night conversations over cups of instant coffee, the ability to solely focus on the single class that I am taking now (Public Speaking). I am returning to days spent in the USD library, late night study sessions with a couple Red Bulls, the inability to spend all the time I’d like on each class assignment. Returning to San Diego isn’t all bad, of course. There is so much I love about San Diego— but it will be my last semester at USD and frankly, that’s pretty scary.
It’s frightening that in May I will be graduating from USD, moving into my own place in San Diego, and beginning to work full time for the company that I work for now and deeply care about, Maya’s Cookies (mayascookies.com). But, if this short-term study abroad session has taught me anything, it is to be grateful for all that I have in the present. Counting my blessings assures myself that no matter what changes will occur in this upcoming semester, that I will always have my gratitude to ground me.
Thinking about what I am thankful for is the only way I can overcome the sadness I feel about leaving Jamaica and calm the nerves I feel about going back to San Diego for my final semester. In order to focus on gratitude as opposed to nerves or insecurities, I have begun to write letters of gratitude to those who have made a positive impact on my life— including the people who have made Jamaica a special experience. I gave a speech on the importance of acts of gratitude and after a couple hours of research I continued to find a large magnitude of studies that show the mood-enhancing effects of expressing gratitude. For example, a study in the Psychological Science magazine found that writing ‘thank you’ notes consistently put the writers of those notes in more positive spirits.[1] Another study I found, published by UC Berkeley, detailed that gratitude not only boosts immediate levels of positive emotions but also has lasting effects on the brain.[2]
Writing letters of gratitude has been a sort of release for me. They have allowed me to thank those who have helped me in a sincere and thoughtful way while also allowing me the time to process how blessed I am to have the people that I do, standing in my corner, holding me up, and cheering me on. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, it is nice to look around and begin changing my mindset by recognizing all the wonderful people and experiences that are around me. Often times, when I am considering what I am most thankful for, I don’t count material objects but instead note my loved ones, sentiments, and opportunities that I’m granted.
For example, three things I am grateful for today are: being able to take the time off to go to Jamaica and being able to fund my trip here. I am thankful for the new recipes I’ve picked up by cooking here in Jamaica, such as the cabbage, green pepper, carrots, and onion I have sautéed with curry spices to create a healthy and flavorful sauté to have over rice. Additionally, I am thankful for the realization that I am still growing into who I want to be and that I actually don’t have it all figured it out yet. And I don’t have to. Maybe I don’t ever have to have it all figured out. Maybe that is life: a constant rotation of gratitude and growth. Hopefully that's what life is.
[1] Kumar, Amit, and Nicholas Epley. “Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation.” Psychological Science, vol. 29, no. 9, 27 Mar. 2018, pp. 1423–1435., doi:10.1177/0956797618772506.
[2] Wong, Joel, and Joshua Brown. “How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain.” Greater Good Magazine, Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, 6 June 2017, greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain.
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